With the start of the Pro Motocross season postponed INDEFINITELY—or maybe just until August—I have made an executive decision and decided that this is the perfect time for all of us to work on those tricky podium interviews! How fun is this? Below are some pointers that you rookies and seasoned veterans can all learn from. You have no excuses but to absolutely slay your next interview if you follow these tips.
Soak It All In
This may be your first podium and it most definitely could be your last. We say this out of love. Do not rush it, take it all in, and savor the moment. You are going to want these feelings and moments back one day when you are a 24-year-old without a ride. Okay, sappy-ness over, let’s get into the real shit.
Speed Talking Gives People Anxiety
We understand that you live life wide open, however DO NOT get on the mic and start mumble rapping your sponsors off like Migos (millennial reference, you oldies would not understand). TV may rush you sometimes, however you are not The Real Slim Shady (do you even get that reference?), so please sit down and take a few deep breaths to slow your heart rate before jumping on the mic.
Lately I’ve never been on a more emotional rollercoaster with these riders. A yes or no question will be asked and then we never truly understand what the answer is. To solve this riddle, you must really pay attention to the last word in the rider’s statement because it tells all. The rider will be like “Yeah, no, no, yeah, but no-yeah, no….. yeah.” This makes follow up questions virtually impossible and it makes the viewer want to go eat a pint of ice cream with a fork.
Stop Touching Shit
Readjust your hat again, bro. Do it. I dare you! It might be a nervous tick but some of you keep fiddling with your shit on the box. We see you. It’s like the great Ricky Bobby said, “I don’t know what to do with my hands.” Well, just keep them on your hips or something and quit diddling your bean.
Make Eye Contact
In 2020 the thought of looking someone in the eyes while having a conversation with them is VERY scary. It’s like making dandelion salad… no one does that anymore. We need you to stare DEEP into Daniel Blair’s eyes and you need to love every second of it.
Clean It Up
Each year a podium trend emerges. This year it was quite a fascinating little number that got on my nerves by week number four. It appears several of our top riders decided they needed to “clean some stuff up” in order to do better next time. It’s all good until the rider who won decided they needed to clean some shit up in the corners or whoops. Then the second and third place riders would stroke their ego and say they needed to clean their shit up in order to win. Soon it was a mess, and everyone had shit everywhere that they needed to clean, and I lost where I was going with this. Just clean your messes up, okay?
Answer The Question
Nothing bothers me more than when you guys get asked a question about the track and then you BLOW right past the answer to list your sponsors.
“Talk about how rough the track was in the corner before the whoops!”
“Yeah…no, yeah it was and I gotta thank my team, my track snack for those delicious fruit smoothies, and my suspension guy Pat for giving me a brand-new setting that he just told me the team found! When in all actuality it’s the same crap I’ve been running all year.” #shakingmyheademoji
Do Not Thank Your Dog
Does anyone else remember when Broc Tickle would thank his dog on the podium? Am I showing my age here? Yeah, Tick would thank his dog like it was his freaking trainer or something. I don’t remember if he was the only person doing this, but I haven’t heard someone do it since. I just thought it would be cool to revisit it. Good mems.
Unless you have dedicated this win to someone who has recently passed on in your family (you have a hall pass to let it rip then), NEVER EVER let the pipes burst open and cry. We understand that you worked your balls off for this win. We all do. However, you must chill, bro, especially if it is just a heat race. Yes, that’s happened before.
That’s it for now! I’m sure I’ll think of more, but for now, you’re welcome. Good luck and we are all counting on you!
Main image: Kawasaki