Slaw
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We are just days away from the Vurbmoto 500 East at Lincoln Trail in Casey, IL, and if you aren’t familiar with the 500 events (Mesquite MX hosts the West), here’s the deal: It’s eight hours and 20 minutes of pure Fundurance. Fun? Absolutely. Brutally difficult? Also yes.
And before the race even starts, we’ve already got drama. Defending champions Team Vurb—Jace Owen, Gavin Faith, Randy “FMIP” Richardson, and Skylar Leaf—are already in turmoil. Thanks to a starting position on Row 900, they’ll essentially be coming from dead last. And to make matters worse, rumors are swirling that Gavin Faith has pulled out entirely. Not exactly the title defense they had in mind.
Meanwhile, VurbWes is busy rounding up a bunch of washed-up C-class heroes in hopes of putting together a team capable of competing. A bold strategy, considering some of these guys probably haven’t seen the front of a race since 2009–if ever.
Me? I’m taking a different approach. I’m assembling the ultimate 500 East dream team. No washed-up local legends. No questionable roster decisions. Just a carefully selected group of absolute weapons capable of surviving 500 minutes of chaos.
So, while everyone else is scrambling to put together a team, I’ve done the hard work for them. Here are my highly scientific, completely unbiased power rankings for the ultimate 500 East squad.
Oh, one more plug. The weather this weekend is amazing and there are still spots open. So, go sign-up.
1: Bob Hannah
If I’m going to war for 8hr and 20min, I want a dude who is going to dig in the trenches with me. Get down in the mud. That dude is Bob “Hurricane” Hannah. Bob will drop a dude, grind out nine laps in a row if we need him and then drink a case of beer with us after.
2: Kailub Russell
If we are going to win, we need talent in the woods. So, Kailub Russell, the GOAT of GNCC Racing, is a no-brainer. He’s won 1000000 races, 100000 titles, retired for like 15 years and then just came back and won again. He will build us a big enough gap that even I couldn’t toss it away.
3: James Stewart
Speaking of speed, any team MUST have the rider once called The Fastest Man on the Planet. Can James ride off-road? No clue, but my guess is he will be insanely fast.
That’s my team and I put us up against anyone. Even with me on it.
