Last night, my old boss @pulpmx, tagged me in a very heated Tweet in which he wanted the name of the vurbmoto lawyer. What was the issue? A thumbnail image owned by PulpMX that our own Slaw Dog posted without Matthes’ consent. At first I was like, bro why are you tagging me? Then I realized something significant. Matthes went to the top guy at Vurb, which was now my new job title as of last night. He bypassed all the other dogs like Bird, Slaw, some other Dog’s we never really mention, and our beloved Chili. Chili used to fix things like this, but now all of this is on my shoulders.
What can I do for ya Steve dog?— VurbSlawDog (@VurbSlawDog) March 25, 2021
As acting head of vurbmoto…I’m here for ya Steve Dog. Slaw gets us into messes like these all the time.— Troy Dog (@troydogvurb) March 25, 2021
I quickly went into the vurbmoto supply cabinet to see what we could offer Matthes, since he said he wanted to settle without our lawyers. Since the other vurbmoto dogs send me all the money that we make (I am expensive) I figured Matthes would probably just want products or something. After all, you have seen his studio and you can assume the mansion he lives in. He used to pay me racks back in the day too, that is a lot of money for those of you trying to keep up with my lingo.
Here is what I found in the supply closet:
Yeah, let’s not get your pal Art involved. The boys brought back three (3) rubber bands, some string, a fourth (1/4) jar of peanut butter, and two (2) super ripe bananas from the Texas Nats. Does any of this suit your fancy?— Troy Dog (@troydogvurb) March 25, 2021
Matthes has not yet responded…but I feel great about our offer.
Anyway, I have got to run and coordinate Chili Dog’s next extravagant trip, help Bird Dog proofread his next column, and give Slaw his to-do list. Hey, it is hard to be at the top of the food chain at Vurb Media Group, but someone has got to do it.