Troy Dog’s Shack: I Started a Bed and Breakfast

I think this is the fourth or fifth week in a row that I’ve written a column with Grant “Har Dog” Harlan in it. Are you sick of hearing about him yet? This kid is going places and you better jump on the bandwagon now before he completely takes over the sport. When you’re in the #troydogsquad we bring facts and the hype to our rippers.

If you haven’t followed @troydogvurb on all social media accounts then you suck, because your mom has. Last weekend you would have seen that Har Dog and our newest signee Ashton “Ash Dog” Bloxom drove from Texas to attend our Dirtbikes are Dope Vurb Shred Tour at East Fork. They dominated and showed out looking like a million dollars in my gear and stickers. 

Now, originally we all planned to meet up at some point during their weekend trip. I could not make it out to East Fork due to some unfortunate circumstances such as a car fire that spread to our garage on Labor Day weekend. It wasn’t our fault and everyone got out safely. So I was posted up at the house and the dogs were going to have to come to me…and sure enough they did. 

On Saturday night I get this text from Ash Dog:

Ginger Dog had gone out to dinner with her sister Lish Dog and I already had put Bub Dog to bed. I knew my dudes would be hungry, especially after repping so hard for me all day, so the least I could do was offer Chipotle. I ordered the food one handed as Sam Dog fought off sleep and the dogs agreed to pick it up on the way over. I got Sam Dog (this plays in later) to sleep at the perfect time and it was time to bro down. 

The SQUAD after some Chipotle!

I have never met Ash Dog in person, however in texting with him and him sending over clips of their journey I realize that he is very outspoken and always on the move. I figured I I should send them a text telling them to be careful parking in the driveway as shards of glass are melted in some spots. Maybe I should tell them to be quiet too because Bub and Sam are light sleepers. Nah I’m not going to be that old guy. They will probably drive up and just come inside and it’ll be a non issue. 

The next thing I hear is this loud music that keeps getting louder and a squealing of tires from around the bend. “WE’RE BLEEPING HERE!!!”, screams Ash Dog from the driver’s seat. Oh no, we are so screwed! 

Also with Har and Ash Dog was their friend Braden Baumer of Dabaum Designs. I hooked him up with food also. Har Dog comes in and distributes the food to everyone and then says that he needs to run to the van to get the plastic forks. I assure him that it’s okay and that we were standing in a house that had a lot of silverware. He then told me that it doesn’t taste as good and he needed the plastic one. Har Dog grabs the keys and runs out. The next thing we hear is the van alarm going off. He pressed the wrong button and this van is screaming a couple of minutes before being shut off. My boys moved around so much but never woke up and it’s still one of life’s greatest miracles that they didn’t.

We got our grub on, but didn’t pig out, Ashton talked about a girl he wants to dig out. The dudes turned on YouTube and RV2 GoPro videos as we talked about all kinds of different topics including good looking moms, track prep, and how terrible Slaw is. 

Har Dog said 9 p.m. was bedtime and by the time midnight rolled around they were passed out on my memory foam carpet in the living room. Ash Dog took the couch even though Har demanded that if one sleeps on the floor then we all sleep on the floor. I literally have a spare bedroom that I offered 45 times to all of them. They wouldn’t take it. 

When 7 a.m. hit Sam and Bub Dog were awake and I took them downstairs to meet the rest of the squad. Har and Bub bro’d down very hard by playing with monster truck toys. 

Ash and Har wanted to shower before getting on the road, so I showed them to the bathroom. As a very great host with amazing hospitality skills, I gave them fresh towels. Much later in the day after dinner Ginger Dog looked to me and said, “Did you put soap and shampoo in the bathroom for your friends?” Oh, no…no I didn’t. It turns out that they used the Johnson’s Baby Soap and enjoyed the quality of having shampoo and soap all in one convenient bottle. Chalk that as another win to T-Dog’s hospitality. 

With that, the squad packed up and headed to the track. I promised Ash Dog fresh hot coffee in the morning and WE didn’t make any. He actually left me several cans of Get Sh!t Done coffee and it has given me new life. I’m not saying I’m going to open up the bed and breakfast anytime soon, but whenever my squad is in town I’m going to have them come through and have an elite place to stay. 

Written by Troy Dog

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