T-Dog’s Takes: Onesies Are About To Take Over… and I Want One

Notice that this column now has a sponsor? That’s right! Troy Dog joined the Blu Cru and you should too! Have you seen the new 2024 models with the special livery? Go look right now! It’s amazing.

Our whole world was shook on Saturday night with the introduction of the Fox Racing onesie. Fox has long been innovating the sport, so to see something new wasn’t a shock, however they’ve created a totally new racing suit. When Kevin Kelly says that he likes your racing suit, it’s legit a thing. 

It seems like the moto community (at least on Twitter) isn’t necessarily a fan of the onesie. Like, why not? Do you not see the advantages you would have while wearing one of these? For one, it seems more aerodynamic. The pants and jersey combo may be a thing of the past with how much weight that’s cut off the belt latches. These fine folks at Fox made sure that the kit was skin tight, like speed skaters would wear, or whatever sport it is that Apollo Anton Ono does. I even had my good friend Denny Stephenson telling me I was a horrible person for wanting a onesie. Look man, I’m VERY certain that I’m on the cutting edge of fashion. It’s not my fault that you’re jealous because you had to race in wool turtlenecks and leathers back in the day.

Just think about the added airflow that you’re getting to stay cooler throughout the race. During supercross this may not be a big deal because it’s winter, but in the summer time it’s going to be beneficial. Think about a total mesh onesie? I don’t know about you, but a ten minute moto in 90 degree weather makes my lower half of my body damper than the wettest rainforests in the world. I don’t know if it’s all the padding, or what, but this new onesie looks thin and comfortable. It’s like you’re wearing a cloud. 

Someone brought up a possible issue with the fact that this suit would be difficult to use the restroom in a hurry. I have two fixes for this, so I’m glad that you came to me for this idea. My lovely wife Ginger Dog has birthed enough kids for me to know how all of this works. You can put a trap door in with a zipper or buttons for easy access when you have an emergency porta potty visit before the race. That’s an easy fix.

Or you can just go in the onesie. It’s not like it’s going to fall out of it and if you have to pee, you can just blame it on “sweat” if you need to.

Here’s how you get out of that in a post race interview.

“Hey Christian, you’re working hard out there, but we noticed you’re covered from waist to boots in a substantial amount of liquid, are you okay?”

“Yeah man, I’m all good, this is a new technology.”

Boom. You’re done.

I think onesies are about to change the game and take over the world. Did you see that Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Jake Browning’s girlfriend was wearing one at their game versus the Browns on Sunday? A LOT of eyes were on that and I think it ONLY had to do with how comfortable and functional this new style is. This is a futuristic fit. If you wear a onesie you’re living in the year 2040. 

Jump on the onesie hype train now because I’m driving it.  

Main image: Octopi Media

Written by Troy Dog

Faster than Slaw Dog. Editor-in-Chief

Evan Ferry Talks Move to Triumph | Grom Report Podcast

Dean Wilson and Vince Friese Won’t Be Exchanging Christmas Cards Anytime Soon