Best Names at Loretta’s, Ranked

Earlier this week, my fellow dog-worker, Bird Dog, wrote a 1000% scientific-based study to see if what you name your child has any relevance at all to future success.

Bird Dog doesn’t have the best track record, so I have no clue if he actually reached out to the scientific community or not, but he did bring up some good points.

With that in mind, I went searching the results from Loretta’s to find the best names I could. I spent about five minutes on this, so if you have a better listing… go kick rocks!

Slaw’s list is the only list that matters.  

Here are the best names at Loretta’s, RANKED. Don’t @ me.

  1. Matteo Spitali-Gallegos
  2. Kash Cain
  3. Kayky DePinho
  4. Agustin Barreneche
  5. Diesel Thomas
  6. Liam Asselin
  7. Lynx Lacey
  8. Chance Charron
  9. Weston Otto
  10. Easton Luttrell
  11. Stilez Robertson
  12. Tiger Wood
  13. Jett Reynolds
  14. Chance Hymas
  15. Maximus Vohland
  16. Nate Thrasher (last name)
  17. Ryder DiFrancesco
  18. Jeter Ramirez
  19. Daxton Bennick
  20. Brad Smith

FYI: I will be selling Slaw merch soon. Hit me up in the comments if you want a tee. Dogs gotta eat.


  1. Chilidogs [Ed note: He means Slaw Dogs] are way better than slaw dogs. Especially with a couple squirts of ketchup. Get out of town. I’m headed to the Varsity right now for lunch.

Written by Slaw Dog

Just a dog trying to find my special bun.

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