VMZ: Weege Gets a Cat

Last night the Twitter world was hit with incredible breaking news that just about shattered life as we knew it. Jason Weigandt one of the most frugal men on the face of the entire planet bought a house cat. This year keeps getting stranger by the minute.

Weigandt is a well thought out kind of cheap guy, so we are sure he has crunched the numbers before this splurge. Also, before we get too far into this…we get it. If the kids or wife want something and they keep asking for it over and over, you have got to break at some point. Now, let us run this in a bit. 

Weege, the initial cost is over. If you bought the cat at a pet store, you are probably out $45-60. I am assuming you did not spend anything on a water or food dish because you can just use old Tupperware or a dish around the house for that. 

The litter box was at most $10-20 with tax. If you buy the cheap litter, you are around $8, let us say you need a refresh every two weeks. At $16 a month for 12 months you are looking around $192 a year. This cat will probably live to be around 15—give or take—so that is $2,880 in poop sand for the duration of its life. This is the same price if Weege decides to buy Iams food for his feline. Look, Weege your cat needs nourishment and Iams is where it is at. A small bag is around $8, and a large bag is around $16. A large bag should do the trick for a month for one cat. Chalk it up as another $192 a year. Wet food is a rip off. We know you won’t buy that.

Now vaccines. I do not know the prices on these. Once you get the initial wave of them over cats are pretty low maintenance. They do try to trip you going downstairs and sometimes roll in the litterbox and smell like straight trash from time to time. Just have the cat as an inside only pet. It is cheaper in the long run and you do not have to worry about some vaccines or flea and tick medication. These are all extra expenses that you do not need. Do not even get us started on declawing.

Vet bills will be the worst. According to a Google search, the average annual vet bill for a cat is between $90-$200. As a cat owner, this seems like a lowball, however Google is always right. When you put it in perspective for a 15-year lifespan that is $1,350-$3,000. We are not even going to mention the unplanned vet visits. Are you dry heaving yet?

The world is officially ending now that Weigandt is out here throwing his money around like he’s Jay *bleeping* Gatsby. Oh, and Weege if the coupon you have for any of these monthly items is expired please DO NOT turn into Karen Weigandt at the store.

Total guesstimate blow to the bank account for the upcoming year: 

Cat: $45-60 (Initial Cost)

Food: $192

Litter: $192

Vet: $90-$200

Total: $519-$644*

*These numbers are as low as possible even by cutting costs for Mr. Weege. Knowing him, he should be easily able to cut this number in half. Stay tuned.

Written by Troy Dog

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