R.I.P My Dirtbike
	Author: Brent Stallo	Brent Stallo | Sunday, 04 January 2009 12:22

R.I.P: My Dirtbike

 

New Years Eve is supposed to be a time of celebration. A time where we reflect on our accomplishments of the past year and look to build towards the coming year. Parties are to be had, champagne to be drunk and food to be eaten. It is suppose to be one of the best days of the year. Well, it’s taken me a few days to write about, mostly due to my insane amounts of anger, but my New Years eve officially sucked. Why, you may ask? Because my dirt bike got stolen, that’s why. Yep, the one tangible possession that truly made me happy was so brutally taken and it sucks.

 

I’m currently on a man hunt to find the scum bag that swiped my wheels, but nothing has turned up yet. If I do find him, instead of turning him into the police, I will instead challenge him to a bare knuckle cage match to the death. Once in the cage I will cheat, just as I was cheated, and will pull out my set of Nun-Chucks and Chinese stars and go to work on the punk….ninja style. I will start by spraying him in the face with pepper spray as if I was an 80 year old who just got her purse stolen. I will then dance around in early celebration as I begin busting his knee caps with my sweet, dragon imprinted Nun-Chucks. After he has begged for my forgiveness, I will tie him up to the far side of the cage and blast Chinese stars into his sternum. I won’t kill him, because it’s not in my nature, but I will make him wish he was dead. After the Chinese star demonstration, I will ride into the sunset on MY dirt bike and resume my training to claim the championship jean jacket in my local series next year.

 

Sorry if this sounds a bit morbid, but it’s how I feel right now. I’m off to cruise the streets and see if I can locate my long lost love. I will keep you up on my findings and will be selling tickets to the cage match here on Vurb once everything is finalized.

 

Keep your fingers crossed. 

- Stallo